In missionary work there is no bad days.
But that doesn't mean there aren't hard days. Entailed with missionary works comes a lot of joy, a lot of happiness, a lot of great, amazing times. But it's pretty ironic, because you also experience a lot of hardship, trials, struggles, and worries. It entails both ends of the spectrum. Many, many times throughout my mission, I've been brought very low, sometimes lower than I ever have before, but the amazing thing is the Lord always tends to lift you back up. This week, for whatever reason, I was experiencing a period of self-doubt. I just felt completely unqualified to be a missionary, to be responsible for all people we are trying help. I was completely second guessing myself, doubting every move I made until the point where I was nervous to say anything to anyone at all! It was pretty weird. But like I said, the mission does that to you sometimes.
Anyway, that night I just got on my knees and just let it all out to Heaven Father. It was pretty much a "This is all I got Heavenly Father. I know it's not very much, but it's what I got." type of prayers mixed with a lot of "I'm sorry I'm messing everything up". Not my most happiest of prayers. And so I closed and just flopped on my bed, going to get ready for the next day.
The next day I woke up, got ready, and was feeling pretty good. We tried to visit a few people, but no one was home. We decided to team up with the rest of the zone and go and do some service at the pre-school, and while working there I started to doubt everything again. It was really weird. So this Elder and I were working on chipping some paint, when we were sharing inspirational quotes, and as a joke one of the lines from "A Cinderella Story" with Hilary Duff came to mind, which says, "Don't let the fear of striking out keep you out of the game." And I said it and didn't really think much about it.
Well, fast forward to later that day, we were teaching our 70 year-old investigator Vicent, and things have been going great with him. He's been coming to church every week, liking our visits. It's been going well. We had decided beforehand that we were going to see if he would commit to baptism. It's something we've talked about before, and I know he is ready to take that next step, but he doesn't feel ready. And it is always a risk to ask them more than once because they might feel pressured and back off. Well we were in the lesson, and we were talking about what he feels about Joseph Smith, and it came to mind to ask him about baptism. And I was like, "No, I am probably going to mess things up with him." AND THEN THE FREAKING HILARY DUFF QUOTE CAME TO MY MIND. I had to! I couldn't let the fear of making a mistake ruin what COULD be a good thing. So I asked him. And he thought about it. And thought about it. And thought about it for what seemed like an eternity, and then he said, "I believe everything. I don't see why not." And I practically pooped my pants. It was amazing. Definitely God answering my prayers.
Well anyway, Thanksgiving was good. We ate at a buffet. It was a lot of food. I'm thankful for you all! I love you guys so much. By the way, I am staying in the same area with the same companion next transfer, only we won't have Elder Talatau or the Samoan ward anymore.
BUT
Merry almost Christmas!
Love you all,
Elder Gleave
P.S. When we asked Vicent about Jospeh Smith, his response was, "It's less about the name of the person, but more about their relationship with God." I think there is a sense of profoundness in that statement.
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